I stared down the barrel of change in the past few days, the philosophy that by changing yourself, your lifestyle and your patterns that you somehow become a better person. You keep your insecurities to yourself, re-plaster the emotional walls that you have built, and let go of people who bring you down. Change is inevitable, it’s part of life, but Is change good? Does changing yourself change your situation, your acceptance by society, your health? There are countless articles and quotes stating: Do not change yourself for anyone. Society has us in an invisible room, a comfortable room. A room which makes us feel safe and grounded, taken care of and accepted, even if the foundation of this room is built on insecurities, comparison and unreachable standards. Stay as you are, they tell us, then bombard us with appearance issues, weight control images and mental health stigmas. All of the above, including a recent self-loathing, has led me to think: What if change yourself isn’t...

Relationships. That word scares me. Not because of commitment or work or time, but because it's something foreign to me. I don't know what it's like to be committed and therefore I commit to anything. I always prayed about being the right girlfriend: being supportive and positive, strong, independent, healed. Being perfect. Yesterday the truth finally hit me and I'm writing from a place of understanding, pain, but hope and newfound grace because I now understand, without a doubt, why a relationship is so foreign to me. 'Walk like a wife and your husband will find you'. That's an incredibly terrifying quote, because it reveals the fundamental underlying fact of relationships: getting married. And I realised that the biggest blessing I could ever have asked for was to be single thus far. Truth is, you shouldn't be looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend, but a husband or wife. And once you realise that, everything changes. You understand that love is more ...

Have you ever felt like your stuck, or in a ditch? You've tried to claw your way out, but you keep falling back in. You're waiting or someone to grab your hand and pull you out, or hand you a ladder to make your climb out easier. You're waiting for someone to save you. I've been here so many times. Stuck, alone and afraid. Waiting for a hero to save me. Sometimes I feel like I live in this ditch, but that no one is coming to help. And I know that so many people reading this are in that place right now. That you're worried you're not strong enough. That the climb is too high. The time is too little or the troubles too great. Truth is, there will be bad days. There will be times your ditch seems deeper, your fall greater or your climb more difficult. There will be tears and screams, anger and confusion...but there will also be good days. Days where your ditch isn't so deep, and the climb not so challenging. BUT, the difficult climbs are revealing something I...

Social Anxiety. S.A.D. I wish beyond belief that this didn't exist. Through everything life has thrown at me, this is one of the worst. To constantly second guess yourself and your relationships is torture, but it doesn't have to be this way. After noticing many, many new articles and posts online regarding S.A.D myths, I thought I would set the record straight with a few facts and tricks on how to regulate this in your life. 1. S.A.D vs texting Texting is a normal thing, right. To conduct conversation. Sometimes, though, even such a mundane task sends flames of fear through my heart. I am usually one of two people: The over-texter Have you ever sent a message, looked back and thought, "Why the hell did I send that?". Well, that's me EVERY TIME. Every single message I send becomes a little mental game: have I said the right thing? Have I said too much? Should I stop talking? Should I send more? Thank goodness for the 'delete message' button, am I righ...

Anxiety is something that affects many, many people. Statistics show that it is the most common disorder in the world, but that many people do not know how to handle it. If you have anxiety, as I do, then you will know how difficult it is to live with daily. A lot of people I speak to think that anxiety is just something that affects us when disaster strikes, and that is the furthest from the truth. Many days, I am anxious for absolutely no reason, and it's the most frustrating thing in the world for me! The thought that I can't have a normal day because I'm sickeningly anxious about...nothing. Recently, though, I have adopted a few methods which I use to cope with everyday anxiety, especially now going back into work/school/varsity. It's somewhat easier to cope with anxiety when everyday stressors aren't there, but how do you continue coping when the year goes back to normal? As painful as anxiety is to live with, I have found that it is somewhat manageable. He...

I have suffered many scars in the course of 7 years; mental scars, emotional scars, and physical scars. I see my scars and experiences as pieces of progress and character, but I didn't always feel this way. For a long time I tried to hide the pained side of me, and it's much easier to hide the invisible scars than the visible ones. The scars from my self harm are far more visible than my emotional scars. Today I want to encourage you by sharing how I turned my self harm into self love and learned to accept every part of myself, good or bad. Why do people self harm? This is different for everyone! I did it because it made me feel something. My disorders made me numb - my cuts made me feel. However, this feeling of 'feeling something' doesn't last. Self harm does more harm than good. The reasoning behind the self-inflicted pain is different for everyone, but I can guarantee that the results never live up to expectation! After time, they just add more pain and sham...

I don't know about you, but 2017 was a terrible year for me! Between a ridiculous varsity life, trying to make cash on the side, and having a rollercoaster of a mental health year, I am so ready to let 2017 go. There is no reason that we can't both have an incredible 2018, so here are some things that I am using, putting in place and practicing to build my mental health, feel good about myself and my body, and keep stressors away. 1. Start a Bullet Journal For people, like me, who love to journal but never stick to it, this is a great way to jot down thoughts, make tracking lists and keep a diary...all in one. I know the concept of a bullet journal isn't very new, but I only started doing one a few weeks ago and it's actually incredible how good and grounded I feel. It really allows you to maintain a positive outlook by tracking things you love, and helping you target things you want to improve. Here are a few ideas to add to your journal: Mood trackers Food jou...

Follow my blog with Bloglovin At the launch of my Facebook page after tremendous support and views, I thought I would share what the word 'unbroken' means to me and why I chose this as my blog's identity. I am a 20 year old girl living with 3 mental disorders, and I'm pretty sure if I kept searching I would find more. This is very difficult for me, especially in a society where mental illness and wellness is somewhat of a 'trend'. I am no longer seen as different, but sick. Which I can assure I am not. No one with a mental disorder deserves to be treated as a patient, but with sincerity and normalcy! This is something I feel very strongly about, that no one should walk on eggshells around me. That saying got me thinking one day. "Walking on eggshells"...if one walks on eggshells it means the eggs are, or are being, broken. Walking on eggshells around someone automatically means thinking they are broken, and treating them as such. Even though I h...

You're ugly. You're worthless. Why are you even alive? You mean nothing and never will. Don't even try because you'll fail. You'll never be happy. No one will ever love you... I have heard these words more than I can count. When I was 13 I started experiencing intense bullying, both physical and verbal. To be told these things every day, no matter how hard you try, you start to believe them. No one ever told me any different, so what was I, as a young teenager, to believe? I started to hate myself. I mean HATE myself. I fully believed that I would never accomplish anything and that my life was a mistake. To be honest, sometimes I still do. Words are incredibly, ferociously powerful! They have the power to build or destroy you. And it is so true and so sad that you are more likely to believe what others tell you then what you tell yourself. In 11th grade I decided something had to change. I couldn't live hating life, and I wanted to prove those people wrong. Lo...

When I say that I'm anxious all the time, that's an understatement. I don't think I'm ever actually relaxed or subdued in thought. See, everything that makes other people happy or excited, scares the living crap out of me. I don't think social anxiety is a very understood disorder, and the stigma around it is terrifying. Statistics show that 1 in 8 people suffer from this disorder and no one will ever actually know. Some hide it incredibly well; some, like me, don't. I want to share 4 facts about this disorder that will hopefully help some understand, and remind others that they are not alone! 1. I am not shy Contrary to what all my 'friends', family and fellow students think, I am not shy. In fact, if you actually get to know me, I will not shut up in conversation! I am very spontaneous, loud and child-like...if you let me be. The problem is that it takes me up to a year to make a friend close enough to be myself around. Sometimes, with some people...

                     "You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it" - Margaret Thatcher 7 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I went through hell for 4 of those 7 years. But in year 5 things started going well. I found my will to live again. I gained confidence, love for life and tenacity. I learned who I was, who my friends were, and how to accept what I had been through and almost move on. Recently, however, I feel like I'm falling back into where I was 7 years ago. I am demotivated, sick of people, of life and my circumstances. To put it plainly, I'm tired of fighting through my life. I feel like I'm falling... What do you do when you fall back to that place you were? When you feel like you're about to give up...again. I want to tell you today, from a place of experience, heartache and genuine compassion, that you are NOT failing at life. You are ...

I was never the girl to get noticed. I never got asked to dances, I was never invited to events, and I was never missed. No one would even call to ask where I was, or if I was okay. I've never really had good friends. Sure, I have a group of friends I spend time with. But I'm always the last choice. I'm the friend that has to fall behind in a group of three when a sidewalk is only big enough for two. I'm the extra. I wanted for so long to be the first choice. To have someone want to spend time with me, not feel obligated to. I wanted to be seen and liked. I searched for acceptance every second. And it was exhausting! See, I am already a first choice. I am God's first choice! And so are you. Every tear you cry He catches without you knowing. Every time you sit alone He is next to you. Every time you are ignored He notices you. Why value the opinion of people when you already have His acceptance? You are worth more than anything in the world, and yet you choose ...

What if I can't keep it together all the time? Sure, I put on a good show: smile a lot, pretend things don't bother me, shrug people's excuses off. But what if it's actually tearing me apart that I'm constantly excluded? What if I am too self conscious to attend parties, events, or even to walk outside because I keep being pushed aside for someone better? If my supposed friends don't want me, then who ever will. What if people see through my lies? What if they see I'm not okay. Then I'll look weak. I'll be a performance they love to watch. What if you stopped listening to yourself? Sometimes, we are our own worst enemies. The mind is an incredibly powerful thing, with the ability to shape us, or break us. Every morning I go through that same rhyme in my head: people hate me, I'm alone, no one actually wants to spend time with me....cool lets go to varsity. Every morning I put myself down. Why? Why are we so hard on ourselves? Even if t...

Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning. There are just weeks that push me down and make me feel like I can't breathe. Life is so overwhelming, and there is so much pressure placed on us. Pressure to excel in school/varsity/work, pressure to look good, pressure to have a good body, pressure to be confident, to eat healthy, to be kind and generous....it never ends. And as a result, we become hard on ourselves and grow a hatred when we cannot always achieve these things. We begin to believe we are not good enough and should just stop trying... When life becomes choppy and you cannot see over the waves, when you feel overwhelmed and anxiety takes over, when your chest becomes tight and you cannot breathe....just stop. Stop and take a deep breath. Clear your mind. You do not have to meet anyone's expectations! Your abilities are so much better than their expectations. You have nothing to prove, not to yourself or anyone else! Don't put yourself down for not being perfect. Imper...

Where do you find your identity? If someone had to ask you to describe yourself, what would you say? Is your identity in your looks? Your work? Your family? For a very long time I put my identity in my achievements. In my marks. I felt that I wasn't good enough to be identified with anything else, because there was nothing else I excelled in. I was my achievements. And if I didn't achieve, I would completely break. I'd feel worthless, like I didn't try hard enough or simply didn't deserve anything. It's very dangerous and draining placing your identity in something other than yourself and who God made you to be. You were crafted and designed by someone who took the time to design you the way you are, with all your quirks and interests. Don't identify yourself with something that will let you down. My marks let me down sometimes and I felt broken and forgotten. As if people wouldn't like me unless I had something to show for myself. But once I put my id...

Right now I'm sitting under a tree. I know this doesn't sound particularly profound, but it's not something I often do. I am not the most outdoorsy person, but even I cannot deny the beauty of a tree. As the wind blows, it gives small groans. It sound s like it's in pain. And the rustling leaves sounds like soft music. It's incredibly peaceful and awe inspiring... A tree is really strong. It's built to endure and survive. But it is also stunningly beautiful. How creative is God?! He designed the most beautiful and stable creation. And if He made a tree so strong and stunning, how much better didn't He make us? We also endure tough storms in our lives and have to fight through wind, rain and thunder. But we, like a tree, survive. We are undeniably strong and capable of amazing things. I have many scars, like a tree has flaws in its bark. The flaws are what makes the tree, and us, unique and lovely. It gives strength and character and is a reminder to keep f...

Everyday I wake up, I have a routine. I drag myself to the kettle to make coffee, get back into bed and go on social media for a while, before actually looking in the mirror for the first time. Who else gets a fright? I mean, frizzy hair, makeup smudges and eye-bags aren't the most attractive features. It takes me about an hour to make myself appear presentable, before I head out for the day. This routine includes makeup, a ghd, changing my outfit multiple times and 'bathing' in perfume and spray on. I'm sure you have a routine too. But have you ever wanted to just...Be? No worries about how you look? No makeup, no hours of preparation. Just simply being. Life is stressful and it's easy to lose ourselves to routine. It gets so bad that we cannot leave our houses without at least an hour's notice, so that we can splash on products which we wash off at night. Does it really make sense? Today's post is not so much of a message as a challenge. I challenge you ...

What is your biggest fear? The future? The unknown? People? Death? We all have fear. As someone living with anxiety disorder, fear is something I live with daily. It's like a monster crouched on your shoulder, waiting for his chance to ruin your life and dictate your thoughts. He's always there. He controls you, your thoughts and your actions. He keeps you awake at night, and keeps you in bed in the morning. He destroys your life...if you let him. Fear is not something to be afraid of. This might sound unusual, but I have a fear of being afraid. And if I'm not afraid of something, my mind finds something to fear. It's an endless cycle. But it's your choice whether to break that cycle. How many times did fear stop you from doing something? How many times did he whisper in your ear? I challenge you to choose not to listen. It's not easy! Being afraid is easy. But being brave is where you find your strength. It's ok to be anxious now and then, but what's ...

Failure is something no one wants to deal with. It makes us feel hopeless, worthless and tired. So tired that when we fall, we stay down. Our spirit is too weak to stand up and try again, so we give up and fall down, defeated... What if I told you that people who have failed are the strongest and most successful people. People who fall down, and get back up, are MUCH stronger than people who never fell down at all. They gain a tenacious attitude and strike the world with fire. Yes, failing SUCKS. It puts out your spark, and that's ok. But when you stand up again, don't just stand with a spark, but with a whole damn fire. You are not your failures. You are your progress. And failure is a part of progress. It isn't a sign to give up, but rather to take a breath, get up and fight harder. Don't let your failures allow you to miss out on your destiny. To fail is not the opposite of to succeed. It just means that your journey will be prolonged. And isn't the journey th...

It's easy to become what others say you are: that you are not good at what you do. That you are not worth being around. That you have made too many mistakes to be a good person. That you have failed too many times to be a success...They put you in a mold, and bending to shape is too easy. I used to drown in these thoughts. The lies that others tell you to put you down, so that they can lift themselves up. Trying to make you forget your worth. People can be cruel. It's so easy for others to make someone feel like they aren't worth anything. They create a mold around that person, and they just slip right into their shape. What's difficult is acknowledging the lies, standing your ground, and being strong through it all. Difficult as this is, it's also critical to valuing yourself. Don't accept the mold others put you in. Be strong and different enough to simply not fit. Why is it so easy to accept lies and reject the truth? When someone used to compliment me, a m...