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Showing posts with the label Depression

Change

I stared down the barrel of change in the past few days, the philosophy that by changing yourself, your lifestyle and your patterns that you somehow become a better person. You keep your insecurities to yourself, re-plaster the emotional walls that you have built, and let go of people who bring you down. Change is inevitable, it’s part of life, but Is change good? Does changing yourself change your situation, your acceptance by society, your health? There are countless articles and quotes stating: Do not change yourself for anyone. Society has us in an invisible room, a comfortable room. A room which makes us feel safe and grounded, taken care of and accepted, even if the foundation of this room is built on insecurities, comparison and unreachable standards. Stay as you are, they tell us, then bombard us with appearance issues, weight control images and mental health stigmas. All of the above, including a recent self-loathing, has led me to think: What if change yourself isn’t...

Waiting For a Hero

Have you ever felt like your stuck, or in a ditch? You've tried to claw your way out, but you keep falling back in. You're waiting or someone to grab your hand and pull you out, or hand you a ladder to make your climb out easier. You're waiting for someone to save you. I've been here so many times. Stuck, alone and afraid. Waiting for a hero to save me. Sometimes I feel like I live in this ditch, but that no one is coming to help. And I know that so many people reading this are in that place right now. That you're worried you're not strong enough. That the climb is too high. The time is too little or the troubles too great. Truth is, there will be bad days. There will be times your ditch seems deeper, your fall greater or your climb more difficult. There will be tears and screams, anger and confusion...but there will also be good days. Days where your ditch isn't so deep, and the climb not so challenging. BUT, the difficult climbs are revealing something I...

Turning self harm into self love

I have suffered many scars in the course of 7 years; mental scars, emotional scars, and physical scars. I see my scars and experiences as pieces of progress and character, but I didn't always feel this way. For a long time I tried to hide the pained side of me, and it's much easier to hide the invisible scars than the visible ones. The scars from my self harm are far more visible than my emotional scars. Today I want to encourage you by sharing how I turned my self harm into self love and learned to accept every part of myself, good or bad. Why do people self harm? This is different for everyone! I did it because it made me feel something. My disorders made me numb - my cuts made me feel. However, this feeling of 'feeling something' doesn't last. Self harm does more harm than good. The reasoning behind the self-inflicted pain is different for everyone, but I can guarantee that the results never live up to expectation! After time, they just add more pain and sham...

One month

They say it takes a month to break or start a habit. Just one month. 4 weeks. 30 days. It doesn't sound like a long time, but a lot can happen in a month. As someone with dermatophagia, I hurt myself a lot. However, it has been one month since I hurt myself in any way. It has been one month since I had a depressive spell. It has been one amazing month for me! In retrospect, it isn't a very long period of time. But it's enough to change your perspective. I started focusing on who I am, instead of the comparative 'who I want to be'. And I found that she's a pretty great person, not perfect, but unique. It took a month for me to find who I really am, what I love and who I not want to be, but have already been. I love what I found, and I can walk with a new found confidence and hope that I have never had before. And I didn't to anything particularly 'fancy'...I just took one month and devoted it to me. I encourage you to take a month. You do not have to ...

So...what's it like?

I got asked an interesting question today, and felt the need to share the answer: 'What's it like, living with a mental disorder everyday'? This question took me rather by surprise. See, I don't see myself as having disorders. I see them as battles to win and overcome, not live with. Nevertheless, I am going to try to answer this question, speaking personally of course, with as much simplicity as I can. This, for me, has a 3 part answer. I will discuss a new part over the next 3 days. 1. Depression What's it like? It's like dying alive. It's like living out of habit rather than want. It's not being able to wash your hair, get out of bed, get dressed or eat without feeling weak and despondent. It's hating being alone, hating being with people...hating being you. It's feeling lonely, hated and forgotten all the time, and fearing being judged and ridiculed. It's craving death and fearing life. But it's also strength: it's fighting ...