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Being Single Through The Wait

Relationships. That word scares me. Not because of commitment or work or time, but because it's something foreign to me. I don't know what it's like to be committed and therefore I commit to anything. I always prayed about being the right girlfriend: being supportive and positive, strong, independent, healed. Being perfect.

Yesterday the truth finally hit me and I'm writing from a place of understanding, pain, but hope and newfound grace because I now understand, without a doubt, why a relationship is so foreign to me.

'Walk like a wife and your husband will find you'. That's an incredibly terrifying quote, because it reveals the fundamental underlying fact of relationships: getting married. And I realised that the biggest blessing I could ever have asked for was to be single thus far. Truth is, you shouldn't be looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend, but a husband or wife. And once you realise that, everything changes. You understand that love is more than a flutter when you see them. It's more than an infatuation with someone you don't know. Love is time. It's getting to know someone before jumping into the relationship status. It's knowing their life, their dreams and values, and seeing similarities in yours. It's messy-hair-in-the-morning looks because you're comfortable being yourself. It's showing your fears and scars without shame because after the tough conversations and tears, they are still there. It's texting about nothing just to hear their opinion. It's fearless honesty. It's easy. How do I know this? Look at a couple you know who have been together a long time. They have similarities. They enjoy the same things. They're dreams match up. And even though they are different people, they go together. That's how I know. Because love should never be difficult. Space shouldn't be an issue. Insecurities shouldn't be of weight. Love is friendship on fire. Not work. Not fear.

And that is what I'm waiting for. I'm not going to chase men down, I'm going wait, work on myself, and pray that the one who I end up with didn't fall in love with me at first sight, because that fades. That he didn't meet me in a dressy scene, because that isn't me. But that he met the real, broken, anxious, crazy, humorous, old fashioned, dreaming, adventurous me, chose to be my friend, and never left. Because that, reader, is love. And it'll be so worth the wait!

Carry yourself as if you are already taken. Be the person you want. Your match will find you, love you as you are, and make you realise why it never worked with anyone else. They might be closer than you think.

And, in case you're like me, I can promise you that you aren't the problem. If you've ever felt like a second choice, I guarantee that you are someone's first choice. The longer the wait, the better the outcome. Don't settle for someone who doesn't choose you first. Prepare yourself for the one that'll choose you over and over again, regardless.

Xx

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