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Social Anxiety vs. Relationships

Social Anxiety. S.A.D. I wish beyond belief that this didn't exist. Through everything life has thrown at me, this is one of the worst. To constantly second guess yourself and your relationships is torture, but it doesn't have to be this way. After noticing many, many new articles and posts online regarding S.A.D myths, I thought I would set the record straight with a few facts and tricks on how to regulate this in your life.

1. S.A.D vs texting

Texting is a normal thing, right. To conduct conversation. Sometimes, though, even such a mundane task sends flames of fear through my heart. I am usually one of two people:

The over-texter
Have you ever sent a message, looked back and thought, "Why the hell did I send that?". Well, that's me EVERY TIME. Every single message I send becomes a little mental game: have I said the right thing? Have I said too much? Should I stop talking? Should I send more?
Thank goodness for the 'delete message' button, am I right? 

A lot of the time, though, I have a lump in my throat when chatting to someone via text. See, I'm an avid over-texter, especially around people I've just met. I feel like I have some weird point to prove, like I have to earn their friendship in some sadistic way. Truth is though, I end up saying far too much, getting very little response from said-friend in return and ultimately feeling like I've ruined it. This is especially true around people I really like, ironically. Then, I become person number two:

The under-texter:
I just, simply, stop speaking to them. I stop because in my heart, I get the idea they are sick of me. Like I'm not the friend to them that they are to me. So I take on this new personality. Changing to suit different people and situations. Not being happy with just me.

Or, I involuntarily just am a person who talks very little via text. I'm silent in group chats, very non-responsive and dismissive and as a result, become fairly distant. I try not to be...but sometimes, I have a burning need to be by myself. To have my own company. And there's nothing wrong with that!

I have found the solution to these things to be quite a challenge...To tell the truth. This is me...take it or leave it. True friends, people who really value you, will understand. And they will keep replying to your messages, even if you can't bring yourself to reply first. And they will understand your times of solitude.

And to everyone sending us long messages, short reminders and even just single words...we appreciate you more than you know...even when we don't always reply.

2. Over thinking
This one probably seems a bit obvious now. What a powerfully destructive tool the mind is! To have the ability to build us, then wipe us out in the same second. I cannot tell you how many relationships my over-thinking has destroyed. To never truly be able to tell if someone likes your company is a nightmare. To constantly question your every word and move. To sit silently and think that if you just kept quiet nothing could go wrong.
Anyone with me?
It sucks! It hurts! But...It's manageable. See, what I've come to realise is this: the ones that invite you over for no reason other than a shared interest. The one that isn't ashamed of your company. The one who listens no matter what...they are the keepers. You should never have to work to earn someone's friendship. And if you are, they are the wrong friend. And if you havnt found this friendship yet...keep looking. I promise there is someone in the very same room feeling lonely too, waiting for your friendship.

3. Socially Anxious friends
Through all the above mentioned truths, through the fact that relationships are difficult for us, and even though we find making friends hard....statistically, we actually make the best friends. All the over and under texting, over thinking, words never said...it shows a ridiculous care. I heard a funny quote the other day, that the most caring people are often the loneliest. How sad is that?? That someone so caring can be so alone.

To everyone with Social Anxiety, there is NOTHING wrong with you. You are a beautiful soul, a delicate person, but someone to be feared. For someone to land you as a friend is a rare privilege, so never stop trying to change people's lives. You are strong and funny and thoughtful and kind...never let ANYONE tell you different. And if no one sees that yet...their loss. Hold on for the one that will love you through your seemingly awkwardness. You. Are. Worth. It!
Believe that.

Xoxo

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